How Do I Stop The Hitting?

Buggy hits.  He hits me.  He hits me in anger.  He hits me on purpose.

And I don’t know how to stop it.

I have a book on my bedside table that I have skimmed through and keep telling myself to read more in depth.

I’ve talked to the pediatrician.

Hubby and I have had many a pow-wow about our plan(s) of action.

But he still hits.

But my approach I feel is better than when I first realized it was a problem that needed a plan of attack.

My approach?  A mix between consistency and the rewind button.

I’m a big believer in finding the reason, the antecedent, the cause of the behavior instead of just reacting with discipline.

And let me tell you, I’ve been studying hard.

It doesn’t happen every day.  But I’ve been hit every day this week.

It doesn’t happen every time he’s upset.  It happens most every time he’s upset with me.

After the “no, you do not hit mama”; after the “you can yell, you can stomp, but NO hitting”; after the sit-in-time-out struggle; after the screaming crying yelling blubbering; after the “I sorry”; after the hug and kiss – I play back the last incident in slow motion.

That slow motion replay is quite educational.  I’m becoming more aware.

More aware of my urge to pull things from his hand.  My urge to continue typing an email or sort through receipts or prep a meal or fold the last shirt instead of heeding his call to read, to play, to go to another part of the house.  My urge to have him work on my time rather than on his time.  My part.

I think I’m getting better.  Unless it’s sharp and dangerous, we negotiate the object away (“ooh, look at this book, it’s so much better than the slip of paper with my library password that I’ve asked the librarian for 5 times this summer”), I stop what I’m doing to read the book or fix the train, and we change pace on his time or with prepping (“after this toss we are going inside”, “after this ride we are going home”).

But he still hits.

That’s the downside.  The big downside.

The upside?

Since the realization of the problem, the 2 year check-up, the first pow-wow sessions – I feel like I have a small amount of control in the situation.  And even that small amount, however miniscule or misguided it may be, makes me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel and a future with a son that stomps his feet instead of hits his mother.

I just wish I knew that I’m doing the right thing.  I guess time will only tell.

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6 Responses to How Do I Stop The Hitting?

  1. Shawn Garman says:

    I believe you are engaged in a power struggle. Your little man wants to be in charge. He wants to be able to tell you what to do and when to do it. That is why he seems to need you when you are most unavailable and busy. This is one of those times in his life when there can be no negotiation. “no” is an answer, and a complete sentence. He is welcome to throw a temper tantrum, but it must be done in his room and there must not be an audience. Inform him that when he is done, he may come out and rejoin the family.

    Mom is not to be hit EVER. Dad must tell him this and punish him if necessary. Itold my boys “you will not hit my wife!” I didn’t say”mom” because I wanted to remind them of their place in the family hiarchy. When the boy realizes dad will protect mom, the boy will stop hitting.

    • AKeo says:

      I am starting to think that it’s more than just the hitting and more that he’s not a baby but becoming and independent toddler/little boy (and I need to realize that and act like it). You are right – I need to step it up in all areas of compliance in order to gain it in the area I see as most important. Dad is definitely very supportive – but I like your take on using “wife”. Thanks for the advice!

  2. John says:

    Sounds like good advice above from an upstanding family with three respectful kids! He’d better not hit his uncle or he’s got another thing coming! Good luck sista-hood!

  3. I love that you are looking at YOUR part in the situation. It just means you are bound to find a lasting solution.

    But just remember – even if you do everything right, he may hit. And what you can control is your reaction to it. You (and he) will get through this.

    And he won’t hit forever.

  4. Pingback: It’s Not Magic, But It’s Doing Something | Always Half Full

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