I do like the song where the title comes from – but this one isn’t about music or Brand New.
I don’t think that last part is ever really true. As quiet as you may be about something, there are always those that know. Maybe not the full truth but they know the part truth – however small it’s still something.
A few things lately brought this about. I can’t indulge everything but I’ll say what I can.
I’ll start with me. I was in a mood funk. Don’t know why. It came and went. I can’t and won’t blame it on anything in particular. It was a little stress, mixed in with wretched sleep, sprinkled on top with who knows what.
Life seemed overwhelming. There was nothing horrible, trying, traumatic. The simple, mundane routines of my life became almost choking. How could I not make it to the library for a month to get a book I wanted to read? How can I still not have time or energy to read this book? How can my weekends be full of grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, errands? How can I go weeks without feeling like I’ve had time to rest?
I still have no answer to the “how” other than I guess that’s just being a responsible adult with a job and a family. Sometimes it all gets a bit overwhelming. Happens to the happiest. A little R and R, a regular sleep pattern, time with friends, a date night, and a week of not caring if the floor got mopped seemed to fix things right up.
I didn’t really know I was in a funk until the same day Hubby asked, “What’s wrong? You don’t seem like yourself.” He was right. Something was off. I was off. One of my coworkers made the same statement the same week.
While I didn’t think I was projecting my “ho-hum” attitude openly to the world, a little slipped out I guess. But once these two people said something, I became more aware. Aware of the feeling that I was treading water in my own uneventful life. I talked about it with Hubby every day. Thank goodness for him. I eventually slid out unscathed.
As I recovered from my moody low, I thought about other people in my life and the quiet things they may be keeping inside. Coworkers who have lost children or mothers, friends in abusive relationships, friends working double-jobs to pay the bills, friends caring for family members more than themselves.
I know all of these things have happened, or are happening with these people. There are others that know. But not everyone does and it’s not talked about every day, or openly. How hard is it for some of these people to get out of bed in the morning? Does it make them sick to their stomach to put on a smile as they greet people at work? How much do they dread going home? I’d say it’s really hard, they are really sick, and it’s a lot of dread. But unless they say something – no one ever really knows.
While my happiness hiatus was a drop in the bucket compared to many people I know, it was a great reminder. A reminder that even the small things can add up quick and take you over if you aren’t looking. A reminder that many around us are struggling to breathe in the vaccuum their life has become. A reminder to be aware of what did or is going on behind the facade. A reminder to check in. Because sometimes a check in is all it takes to help you push through for one more day.