Child #2 is due to arrive in less than a week. And by “due” I do not mean the natural clock within my maternal awesomeness that decides when she is ready to make her appearance (which would probably keep her in forever without medical intervention because that’s what it did with Buggy and wouldn’t it be the same for this one too – broken). By “due” I mean my doctor has taken it upon herself to do all of the hard work and deliver my second child in the same O.R. where the first was born.
Public school Spring Break is in 2 weeks, which happens to also be when my natural due date fell. But with some scheduling issues and recalculating of due dates I am a tad farther along than first suspected. At my weekly appointment on Monday it was decided that my scheduled c-section would be bumped up an entire 6 days.
Hence, “start the countdown at 5, not 10″. Even though it’s only a week sooner, it feels like it jumped up a month. The reality of how soon we will be parents to two children came and smacked us in the face.
We are ready. We have been ready. Aside from last week’s laundry still unfolded in baskets, upstairs carpet that hasn’t been vacuumed in 3 weeks, and pine cones still up on my mantle (the first day of Spring was last week and as far as Virginia weather is concerned it’s been Spring since Christmas, the pine cones should never have been out), we are ready.
I am not a hormonal person by nature. I do not go crazy during my monthly cycle. I did not go crazy during this or the first pregnancy (thank goodness for me and especially for Hubby). But I find myself a tad more emotional than usual these past weeks.
I feel excitement to meet my daughter, to feel those first tugs on heartstrings when I finally hold her in my arms, the wonder of who she will be throughout her life. To see Buggy become a big brother and care for his little sister in a way that only a brother can (I am really hoping for the care part but expecting a good portion of the “I hate her take her back” part).
I feel relief that my body will soon no longer be pregnant. I know it is a blessing and a privilege to be able to grow my own child, rather effortlessly, but it’s still taxing and tolling. I hear all the time “women’s bodies are amazingly built to be pregnant” but really I don’t think they are or I wouldn’t have aches, pains, sleepless nights, and have to wear support socks in 80 degree weather.
I also feel sadness. Sadness for Buggy. Sadness that for a large amount of time, if not forever, he will lose a lot of the attention I dote on him constantly. He will have to share his parents, share his grandparents, share his home, share our hearts. I know it will all work out – I’ve seen it happen a dozen times with friends and family. But you still wonder how you’ll balance all the love and attention so they both feel it 100%.
I’m a little scared. I know what a c-section is like. I know what the recovery is like. It wasn’t horrible for me but it also wasn’t easy. While I’m an optimistic person, I know the risks and occasionally they creep up to remind me to count my blessings and thank and ask God for strength, health, and life. I’m also a bit scared about learning to manage 2 children – one being a newborn. That fear is for another post!
Mostly I’m happy and ready. And if happy is the feeling that overwhelms me the most then I think I’m in the right boat.